


this is me trying

by cherrymcre



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: But it's a simulation, Implied Relationships, Multi, a lot of color metaphors bc i like them, hiyoko and fuyuhiko are best friends because i said so, hiyoko and fuyuhiko bond over their dead gfs, hiyoko gets the development she deserves, hiyoko learns healthy coping mechanisms, hiyoko protag? i guess?, i hate kodaka, lesbian and bisexual solidarity (hiyoko and fuyuhiko), lesbian hiyoko saionji, mostly hiyoko's pov but sometimes i diverge from that, past abuse is mentioned but nothing graphic i promise, sonia dies in chapter 3 bc someone had to (i'm sorry), survivor hiyoko, unfortunately people do die bc it's danganronpa
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-10
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-16 22:20:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29339685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cherrymcre/pseuds/cherrymcre
Summary: Hiyoko Saionji is trapped in a killing game with 15 other ultimate students. Could life possibly be worse?SDR2, everything is the same, but Hiyoko is not killed in the music venue.
Relationships: Hinata Hajime & Saionji Hiyoko, Hinata Hajime/Komaeda Nagito (implied), Koizumi Mahiru/Saionji Hiyoko, Kuzuryu Fuyuhiko & Saionji Hiyoko, Kuzuryu Fuyuhiko/Pekoyama Peko, Nanami Chiaki & Saionji Hiyoko, Soda Kazuichi/Tanaka Gundham (Implied)
Comments: 38
Kudos: 67





	1. could've followed my fears all the way down

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hiyoko has stayed in a tiny motel room for a few days alone. she has a lot of time to think. it's not fun. shit happens at the music venue

_Red._

Hiyoko Saionji stares at her reflection in the tiny motel bathroom mirror. It's barely big enough to fit her entire head, and she has to stand on her tiptoes to even reach it.

_Her face is red._

Her wet hair sticks to her blotchy red face. Hiyoko hadn't planned to cry, not today, but once she stepped into that tiny shower, she couldn't stop. All she could do was think about the killing game, what it had put her through, and what it will continue to put her through.

_Mahiru's hair was red._

She hadn't taken it too seriously at first. She didn't understand why everyone else was, to be quite honest. A walking, talking black and white bear comes out of nowhere, spouting bullshit about some killing game, and they were supposed to believe it? Hiyoko refused. It hadn't felt real to her until she saw Byakuya Togami lying face down in a pool of his own blood.

_His blood was red._

The investigation she had barely helped in felt like a blur. The class trial went by quite quickly, at least in Hiyoko's eyes. The killer was Teruteru Hanamura. Hiyoko hadn't cared. In fact, she was kind of relieved. Teruteru was nothing but a gross pervert. That's why she didn't shed a single tear when he told his sob story.

_His apron was red._

The execution still hasn't left her mind though. Teruteru getting dragged by a chain around his neck, and hit with missiles until he was dropped into a pit of hot lava. She would almost feel bad for him, if he wasn't a piece of shit. A pervert and a murderer. The two worst things in the world.

_The lava was red._

The second time, though, that was when Hiyoko had felt true despair. The true hell of this killing game.

_Her vision was red._

The motive sounded like complete bullshit to Hiyoko. A video game? What the hell was that going to do? She didn't care that much, as long as her and Mahiru weren't involved.

_Red._

Mahiru. The only person Hiyoko trusted on this island. The only person she could turn to. The only person she cared about. Mahiru was Hiyoko's entire world. Nothing else mattered except for her, not anymore. Her short red hair, her face full of freckles, and her beautiful smile was all Hiyoko had ever needed.

_Mahiru's hair was red._

Ever since Mahiru had volunteered to help Hiyoko tie her kimono, she hadn't been able to leave her side. Hiyoko had never felt this way about anyone before. She usually disliked everyone, in some way. She could always find a thousand things to tease them for, and a million reasons to stay away. She didn't feel anything like that with Mahiru though. She was absolutely perfect. Hiyoko adored everything about her.

_Mahiru didn't make her feel red._

So when Mahiru had asked Hiyoko to meet up to talk, she had immediately accepted. She didn't have anything else to do anyways, and she loved spending time with Mahiru. So, Mahiru had brought up the game. Hiyoko asked her if she played it. Mahiru said no, and that she should probably talk with Hiyoko later. They had decided to meet up the next day, at Jabberwock Park again.

_Mahiru's face was red._

Hiyoko had woken up to a letter from Mahiru informing her that the meeting time was changed to 2:00pm. Hiyoko hadn't thought anything of it, and continued about her day. Sonia had asked if she wanted to go swimming. Hiyoko said no. It seemed like a waste. She didn't want to hang out with anyone else except for Mahiru.

_They're all red._

She had arrived at the beach house at exactly 2:00pm, just like Mahiru had written. But instead of being greeted by Mahiru, she felt someone grab her. Her vision turned red. She woke up in the storage closet. Why had she fallen asleep anyways? She didn't remember feeling tired. All she remembered was that she had to meet Mahiru.

_Mahiru's hair was red._

She got up and opened the closet door. What she found was the most horrific thing she had ever seen. It was Mahiru. Lying in a pool of blood. Her eyes were closed. She wasn't moving.

_Mahiru's blood was red._

Hiyoko ran over to Mahiru and shook her awake. She shouted at her to just wake up, but she didn't. She didn't move. She didn't breathe.

_Mahiru's blood was red._

Hiyoko had ran out of the beach house. She didn't know where she was going. Just anywhere but there. This had to be a nightmare though, right? She'd just wake up in her cottage and greet Mahiru the next day. Better yet, she'd wake up in her own home, far away from this atrocious killing game.

_Her bedsheets were red._

She never woke up though. A body discovery announcement played, and the investigation started. Time didn't feel real. Hiyoko just felt stuck in a infinite void. A deep dark void consuming her whole. That's what the investigation felt like. Nagito and Hajime had asked her questions about that stupid game. She ignored them. She didn't care. Mahiru was gone. She was dead. Someone had killed her.

_Red._

Hiyoko decided that she would never forgive that person. She thought she would smile as they come undone and reveal their plan. She wanted be the one to deliver them to their torturous execution. She would laugh at their despair. It's what they deserved. They killed Mahiru, the best person in the world. Whoever did it had to be a monster.

_She felt red._

She had been the first accused during the trial. She didn't understand. Did everyone else see her as a monster? A murderous monster? Hiyoko was a bitch, she knew that, but she was no monster. All she could do was scream and cry at their remarks. None of them were even making sense. They should have just shut up. They were absolute idiots. They didn't understand anything.

_Everyone's words were red._

Well, maybe one person did. Somewhere in the chaos, Hajime Hinata had pointed out that the gummy bear left at the crime scene wasn't the brand Hiyoko ate. She could have hugged Hajime right then and there. She didn't though.

_The gummy bear wasn't red. It was yellow._

Eventually the trial came to a close, as all things did. The killer was Peko Pekoyama. Hiyoko hated, no, she despised her. How could she do this? Mahiru was good. Mahiru deserved to live more than anyone else here.

_Her tunnel vision was red._

After voting time ended, Hiyoko was done. She just wanted Peko to get executed, and for this all to be over with. Peko didn't deserve to die in glory. She wasn't a hero. She was a menace to society.

_Heroes aren't red._

More happened though. More than Hiyoko had expected. The stupid Sparking Justice shit was a lie, and Peko had killed Mahiru for Fuyuhiko. It was his revenge. Revenge. Stupid bastard. It wasn't Mahiru's fault! She didn't kill his stupid sister, some other ugly bitch did! Why did Mahiru have to die? Why her?

_Was that girl red?_

Hiyoko recoiled at Fuyuhiko and Peko's goodbye. They got to say goodbye. She hadn't. She hadn't gotten to say goodbye to Mahiru. It wasn't fair.

_Goodbyes aren't red._

Instead of laughing during Peko's execution, all Hiyoko could do was stare blankly. She didn't flinch, not once, not even when Fuyuhiko had gotten stabbed. She didn't care what happened to them. They deserved every ounce of pain.

_Their blood was red._

Hiyoko had sobbed for a while in the shower about that. It was probably her 8th time crying about it since it happened. Even when she felt she had cried enough tears over it, she wasn't done.

_Red._

Maybe grief made people better though. Maybe it helped people learn. Maybe that's why Hiyoko decided that she doesn't hate Fuyuhiko. She certainly doesn't like him, but she can look at him without feeling intense rage. That's better, she guesses. Maybe grief is why she teases everyone slightly less now. Except for Mikan though, she deserves it.

_That's not red._

But if grief made her better, then why had she spent the past few days holed up in her assigned motel room, refusing to speak to anyone else? Why doesn't she trust everyone else, like she should? They had said countless times that they were all friends, but Hiyoko doesn't feel like that's the case.

_Red._

Right now, she's standing in front of a tiny bathroom mirror, attempting to tie her kimono. Just like Mahiru had taught her. It isn't working though. She keeps repeating Mahiru's words over and over again in her head, but Hiyoko can't do it.

Hiyoko sobs. She can't do it. Why can't she do it? Mahiru taught her. Mahiru told her everything. She should able to do it.

"H-Hiyoko," Hiyoko hears someone call her name.

Hiyoko turns around to find Sonia with a concerned look on her face.

Shit, she had forgotten to lock her door.

"By chance, are you having trouble wearing your kimono?" Sonia asks.

Seriously? Why the hell did Sonia, of all people, have to walk in on her? It's not like she wanted anyone to, but Sonia? Hiyoko hates her preppy princess appearance. Sonia reminds Hiyoko of some of the girls she used to dance with. The girls who were pretty on the outside, but absolute pieces of shit on the inside.

Looking back, Hiyoko realizes she might not be much different from those girls anymore. It's hard to be kind when everyone around you isn't, so Hiyoko simply stopped. Kindness is a lie anyways. Hiyoko hates lies.

So, instead of being honest and asking for Sonia's help, Hiyoko snaps, "Stupid! What are you saying? Of course I can do it!"

Hiyoko looks down at her messed up kimono. She can do this. It's fine. She just needs more time. "B-Because Mahiru taught me. That's why I can do it on my own."

Sonia moves her head to the side. She doesn't look menacing, but Hiyoko feels like she's being judged. "Um... if that is the case, how about you do it someplace where there is a mirror? Do you remember the full length mirror in the storage room at the music venue? If you do it while standing in front of a large mirror, I am confident you will be successful." Sonia looks down at the ground, not meeting Hiyoko's eyes. "Also... shutting yourself in your room like this may be bad for your health."

Hiyoko hugs her arms around herself. She guesses Sonia's idea makes sense, but there's no way she's leaving this motel room. According to Hajime and Fuyuhiko, the despair disease is still alive and well, and there's no way Hiyoko's going to risk it. That disease scares her.

"There's no way I'm going out there. So, how about you go away and let me tie my kimono in peace, bitch!" Hiyoko spits. She doesn't mean to be so harsh, but she thinks it's the only way Sonia will leave her alone.

Sonia looks unaffected by Hiyoko's insult. It's annoying. She lifts her head and places her hand under her chin like she's thinking of something. "How about... I go out to the music venue tomorrow morning and I bring the mirror up here to your room? That way, you get to use the full length mirror without leaving this motel room."

Well, she supposes it isn't a bad idea. Hiyoko feels embarrassed at the fact that she can't tie her kimono without a huge mirror, but it's better than not being able to tie it at all. "Fine."

Hiyoko walks over to her door and motions for Sonia to leave. Sonia steps out and says, "I'll knock on your door tomorrow morning after the Monokuma Announcement."

Hiyoko nods and shuts the door in Sonia's face.

She flops onto her bed and sighs. She's never going to admit it, but she doesn't like being stuck in here. She's lonely. But she doesn't know when this despair disease will end. After another killing, maybe? The thought makes her shudder. She doesn't want to do another class trial. She doesn't want to see anyone else die.

This sucks.

-

Sonia Nevermind can't fall asleep. The air in this motel room is quite cold, and the sheets are rough and scratchy.

She supposes she might be spoiled, and she hates the thought of it. She isn't going to sit here and complain about bedsheets being less than perfect quality when her friends are dying. She's just a normal student here, after all, not a princess.

At least that's what she wants to be.

She rubs her eyes and rolls over to look at the clock on the left wall. The Monokuma Announcement should go off in an hour or so. That's not too long from now.

Sonia sits up and runs her hands through her long hair. She's supposed to get the full length mirror from the music venue for Hiyoko.

Hiyoko. Sonia doesn't understand her at all. It's a weird feeling. Sonia believes that she's quite good at reading people. She can tell that Hajime tries to step up and be helpful because he feels bad that he can't remember his own Ultimate talent. She knows that Kazuichi isn't as deeply in love with her as he thinks he is, and that he's just obsessing over the first pretty girl he sees. Well, she does hope that is true. She also knows that Gundham puts on an evil persona to push people away, but in reality, he's actually very kindhearted.

But when it comes to Hiyoko, Sonia has nothing. She doesn't understand how someone with such a cute appearance can have such a vile attitude. She can't tell when Hiyoko is crying crocodile tears, or if she's genuinely upset. But worst of all, Sonia doesn't know how Hiyoko feels about her.

She knows that Hiyoko is rude to everyone on this island. Except for Mahiru. Sonia doesn't recall Hiyoko ever insulting her. But Hiyoko took her shot at everyone else. So when Hiyoko makes a rude remark in Sonia's direction, she pays no mind to it.

That last conversation she had with Hiyoko confuses her though. Sonia had wanted to help Hiyoko, despite her past behavior. She accepted Sonia's offer, but was it out of gratitude or annoyance?

Sonia sighs to herself. She really shouldn't dwell on it too much. Hiyoko is just one person. There are 10 other people on this island who consider Sonia a friend. It shouldn't matter if Hiyoko does or not.

So why does it still bother her?

Sonia steps out of her bed, and changes out of her pajamas and into her normal attire. She doubts that anyone will see her this early in the morning, but it's better to be sorry than safe. She thinks that's how the saying goes.

Sonia grabs her motel key from her nightstand and unlocks her door. She steps out into the chilly early morning island breeze. She gazes into the distance, seeing if anyone else happens to be awake.

Unsurprisingly, no one else is awake at this hour.

Sonia makes her way to the music venue. It isn't too far of a walk, so it's quite relaxing for her. She didn't get much time to walk on her own back at home, so she appreciates the alone time.

She steps into the music venue. But, instead of seeing an unoccupied room, she sees a horrible sight.

The Ultimate Nurse, Mikan, is standing on the music venue stage, carrying a rope and a hemp bag. There's a step ladder next to her. To Mikan's left is Ibuki Mioda, crouched over.

Mikan leans down to whisper something into Ibuki's ear, and Ibuki nods with determination.

Sonia remembers that Ibuki has the despair disease. More specifically, in Ibuki's case, the gullible disease. She'll listen to anything anyone tells her.

_She'll listen to anything anyone tells her._

Mikan sets down the hemp bag and walks toward Ibuki with the rope in hand. Her expression is different than Sonia had ever seen her before. Her eyes are wide open, too open. It looks unnatural, and quite unsettling.

_The look of despair._

Mikan walks closer to Ibuki, and Sonia finally gets out of her trance and realizes what's happening.

Mikan is going to kill Ibuki.

_She's going to kill her._

Without thinking, Sonia lets out a scream.

Mikan immediately turns her head upwards in Sonia's direction.

Before Sonia can think, Mikan runs towards her with the same crazy look in her eyes.

Sonia claws at the music venue door, but Mikan is already dragging Sonia by her hair.

"Run!" Sonia shouts. "Ibuki, run!"

_She's about to die. Mikan is going to kill her. She's about to die. Mikan is going to kill her. She's about to die. Mikan is going to k-_

-

Ibuki's head hurts. There's too much. There's too much screaming. Sonia's screaming. Mikan's screaming. Then Sonia falls silent. Then Mikan's laughing.

It's all too much.

Mikan had told Ibuki to stay put and face the ground, so that's what she was going to do. Mikan is Ibuki's friend, and Ibuki loves her friends. She will follow what they say.

She hears Mikan's footsteps come back to her. She wonders what's going to happen next. Maybe Mikan will ask Ibuki to sing. Ibuki loves singing, and others like Ibuki's songs too.

Yes, that must be it. Mikan wants to hear Ibuki sing.

Ibuki feels Mikan's hands wrap around her neck. She also feels a rope.

The rope gets tighter. It's too tight. _It's too tight it's too tight it's too tight._

One last song. Ibuki should sing one last song. Ibuki can't make the words leave her throat though. She can't sing.

_She can't sing._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm sorry sonia, i liked writing you a lot. also poor ibuki, i love her


	2. anywhere i want, just not home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's investigation time. hiyoko isn't doing so well
> 
> a little cw // past child abuse is briefly mentioned, but nothing graphic or major

Hiyoko is waken up by the Monokuma Announcement. She huffs in annoyance, and sits up on her bed.

She remembers that Sonia is probably going to show up at her door any minute now, mirror in hand.

Hiyoko combs through her hair with her hands, hoping she looks somewhat decent. She really shouldn't care about her appearance on an island where she could die any minute, but it's a habit. Even when she's alone, she still feels like she's being watched. It's always been like that. That's just what being a Saionji is. Being watched. Constantly.

The monitor on the wall turns on again, and Hiyoko jumps in surprise.

It couldn't be- no, there's no way it happened again. Everything is fine. Sonia will be here soon. She'll give Hiyoko the mirror. Hell, maybe the despair disease will be gone.

Yeah, that's it. The skank figured out a way to cure the disease, and nothing bad happened. That has to be it.

_"A body has been discovered!"_

Shit.

_"A body has been discovered!"_

Hiyoko furrows her brows in confusion. Why did it go off twice? That's never happened before.

No, wait, more importantly, _that_ announcement played. Monokuma's voice rang in her ears.

Someone is dead. _Someone was killed._

Hiyoko feels tears slip from her eyes, and she quickly wipes them away. She's so fucking sick of crying. She's so sick of this feeling. The feeling of losing someone else. She just wants it to be over.

Hiyoko gets up from her bed, but then she remembers. Her kimono is completely untied. There's no way in hell she can leave this room. It's fine though. Even though everyone just found a body, she's sure Sonia won't forget about her. Sonia will bring up the mirror, and she'll tell Hiyoko what happened. There's going to be another class trial, and it's going to suck, but she'll just power through it. She has to. That's what a Saionji would do. It's not like it can possibly get any worse for her after the last trial anyways.

Hiyoko hears a knock on her door, and she immediately bolts up to answer it. Sonia is here. She's going to give Hiyoko the mirror.

But instead of Sonia, it's Chiaki Nanami. She's standing in front of Hiyoko's door with her arms crossed, and a distant expression on her face.

"Why the hell are you here?" Hiyoko spits out. She says it out of surprise more than disdain, but it doesn't come out that way.

Chiaki lifts her head a few seconds after Hiyoko speaks, like she's three seconds behind everyone else. She's always like that. It's weird.

"I... uh... just didn't see you come to the music venue with everyone else, and I was worried that something had happened to you too," Chiaki explains. "I'm really glad that you're okay, though."

Hiyoko rolls her eyes. That's all? "Do you have anything important to tell me? If you don't, then just leave me alone!" She just wants Chiaki to leave her alone. She wants everything on this island to leave her alone.

Chiaki doesn't react to Hiyoko's comment, which annoys her. Why doesn't she react to anything? "Well... I'm assuming you heard the body discovery announcements from Monokuma." Chiaki gestures to the monitor in the motel room.

Hiyoko nods. "I... yeah, yeah I did." She gulps before speaking again. "Who is it?"

Chiaki fiddles with the straps of her backup and pulls the hood of her sweatshirt over her head. "Ibuki and Sonia. It's two people this time."

What?

What?

_What._

_Two_ people? Ibuki?

_Sonia?_

Sonia is supposed to bring that mirror from the music venue up to Hiyoko. She's supposed to be here. Why is she not here?

Hiyoko attempts to conceal her confused emotions and asks Chiaki where the bodies were found.

"They're both in the music venue. Hajime says that he found Ibuki before Sonia, so Ibuki was probably killed first... I think," Chiaki responds, not meeting Hiyoko's gaze.

The music venue. The bodies are in the music venue. Sonia is in the music venue. Sonia is dead in the music venue.

Hiyoko told Sonia to go to the music venue.

Hiyoko clutches her stomach, feeling sick. She hasn't eaten anything in a few days because she's been too scared to leave this room, but she still feels like she's going to throw up.

Hiyoko told Sonia to go to the music venue. Sonia went to the music venue because of Hiyoko. If Hiyoko hadn't told Sonia to go to the music venue, Sonia would probably still be alive. She would still be here.

Hiyoko doesn't realize that there's tears forming in her eyes until Chiaki speaks again. "Hey, um, you don't have to cry. I know this sucks, and I want to cry too. But we have to stay strong and investigate. That's what Ibuki and Sonia would want us to do... I think."

"Shut up!" Hiyoko had meant to sound intimidating, but her words sounded scratchy and defeated. She just wants Chiaki to shut up. She wants the entire world to shut up.

Chiaki places a hand on Hiyoko's shoulder, and she immediately swats it away. "Hey, it's okay to be upset. You don't have to act all tough. It's okay to cry. I have. Everyone has." Chiaki smiles when she says it, like some angel in a supernatural movie.

"I'm no-" Hiyoko starts, but she can't finish it. She can't lie. It all hurts too much. She can't throw out insults and pretend she's the shit when two of her friends are dead and one of them is her fault.

One of them is completely and utterly her fault.

"Um... also... Hiyoko... I apologize is this is intrusive or anything, but your kimono is completely untied," Chiaki says awkwardly.

Hiyoko looks down at herself and sees her undone kimono. She quickly picks up the fabric and wraps it around herself. "W-Well I just untied it before I went to sleep... And I-I just happened to forget to tie it again when I woke up," she lies.

Almost as if Hiyoko is a glass doll Chiaki can peer right through, she asks, "Do you need me to tie it for you? I'm not an expert or anything, but I can do a basic bow for you."

Hiyoko wants to tell her to go away. She wants to tell her to find someone else to inconvenience. But, she just can't. She's too tired. "Y-Yeah, that would be nice, I guess." She mutters, staring at the floor.

Chiaki steps behind Hiyoko and quickly ties her kimono. It's a little loose, but Hiyoko decides to ignore it instead of spitting out one of her usual insults and demanding her to redo it. She doesn't know what's wrong with her today.

Is the killing game making her weak? Is that what it is? Is she becoming one of those weak girls who can't carry herself properly? Is she becoming so weak that she can't even defend herself anymore?

_Maybe that's what indirectly killing someone does to a person._

"Thanks, I guess," Hiyoko murmurs quietly, hoping Chiaki can't hear her properly.

Chiaki smiles again. "You're welcome."

After she says that, her face falls again, like she just remembered the situation they're in. "Do you um... want to help with the investigation? I know it isn't really your thing, but it would feel nice to be able to leave your room and do something productive... probably."

Hiyoko ponders that. She didn't help much in the first case, and she refused to do anything in the second case. She's never helped the group find the culprit.

Sonia's death is her fault, though. Hiyoko should probably help. Sonia is dead because of her. She should find out why.

"I'll do it," Hiyoko says under her breath.

"Huh?" Chiaki questions.

"I said I'll do it, okay?" Hiyoko says.

"Oh," Chiaki says. She looks like she didn't expect that response.

Why didn't she expect it. Does she think Hiyoko is useless? Does she think Hiyoko is weak? No. She can't think Hiyoko is weak. No one on this island can. She's made sure of it.

"That's good," Chiaki continues. "Follow me."

Hiyoko walks out of the motel room for the first time in days. The sky is abnormally blue, and the grass is still that shade of golden yellow. It's just as she remembers it. A false promise of peace.

She follows Chiaki down to the music venue, preparing herself for the horrific sight she's about to see.

-

The absence of life. That's what Hiyoko feels when she enters the music venue. The complete and utter absence of life.

Ibuki Mioda, the energetic and lively musician, is lying in a lifeless heap on the floor.

Sonia Nevermind, the bubbly and curious princess, is tied to a pole near the stage, unmoving.

_Sonia's blood is red._

Hiyoko nearly trips from the shock. She manages to catch herself and stand up straight. She fixes her posture and takes a deep breath. She can do this. _She has to do this._

"Hiyoko," Hajime speaks. "Hi."

"Why are you guys just standing around like idiots? Aren't we supposed to investigate?" Hiyoko says.

No one is doing anything useful. They're all just staring at her like her mere presence was the most shocking thing they've witnessed on this stupid island. Their eyes made Hiyoko want to crawl back into her motel room bed and never speak to them again.

Hajime shakes his head like he was caught in some trance. "No uh, you're right. Thanks Hiyoko."

"So... are you gonna help?" Fuyuhiko speaks up.

Hiyoko flinches at the sound of his voice.

_Murderer. Dirty, fithly, disgusting, trashy, pigshit, good for nothing, murderer._

For once, Hiyoko ignores the voices in her head begging her to fight and replies, "Yeah, yeah... I guess I am."

"That's wonderful, Hiyoko!" Nagito exclaims. "More ultimates working together to battle the despair of our lost friends will only create more hope in the end!"

Hiyoko grimaces. "Shut the fuck up, nasty pervert."

Old habits die hard.

-

Hiyoko is on the stage of the music venue investigating Ibuki Mioda's dead body.

She guesses life could be worse.

"Hm?" Hajime questions. "What's this on Ibuki's feet? It's blood... right?"

Hiyoko crawls down to the floor to get a better look. "Yeah, I guess. But didn't the Monokuma File say she died from hanging? Why is there blood on her slippers?"

Hajime shurgs. "I'm unsure. Hopefully we'll work that out during the class trial."

Hiyoko rolls her eyes. "Geez, you're so annoying. We get it, you basically run the trials, but some of us would like some answers right now!"

Before Hajime can respond, Fuyuhiko walks up to the stage. "Hey guys, can I talk to you for a sec?"

Hiyoko's breath hitches.

_Red. Mahiru's hair is red. Mahiru's blood is red. Peko's blood is red. Fuyuhiko's blood is red._

Fuyuhiko speaks again before Hiyoko's instrusive thoughts go further. "You already discovered the body before you met up with us, right?"

Hiyoko furrows her eyebrows. She remembers the gamer chick telling her Hajime had found Ibuki before Sonia, but she hadn't given any other information than that.

"Wait, he did?" Hiyoko asks, hoping to get some actual answers from these cryptic lunatics.

"Oh, right, I forgot you arrived a little late," Fuyuhiko says. "Hajime said he saw Ibuki climb up the ladder on the stage, and he immediately ran to the venue. When he arrived... Ibuki was already dead."

Hajime nods, and adds on to what Fuyuhiko had just said. "I wanted to alert the others as soon as possible, so I ran to the motel. There, I met up with Gundham, Chiaki, Fuyuhiko, and Mikan. Gundham stayed at the motel while the others and I ran to the crime scene. When we opened the door... that's when we discovered Sonia's body as well."

Hiyoko nods, pretending like this makes any sense to her at all. "Okay, that makes sense... I guess."

Hajime turns back to Fuyuhiko. "I mean... I didn't know it was Ibuki at first because of that hemp bag though. But... I knew right away she was dead since she was hanging from that rope."

Hiyoko shivers. Death by hanging? What an awful way to go.

Fuyuhiko nods. "Which means Ibuki must have died before Sonia was tied up. That helps... there's no time of death written in the Monokuma File this time, so I wasn't really sure who died first."

"It wasn't? That's weird," Hiyoko frowns.

Fuyuhiko ignores her remark and steps off of the stage.

Hiyoko feels something pang at her chest, but she isn't sure what it means. It's not like she cares if Fuyuhiko doesn't like her. She only tolerates him because it's what Mahiru would want her to do. There isn't an ounce of forgiveness in her heart.

"Ah, isn't that a bloodstain?" Hiyoko hears Chiaki's voice not far from where she's standing.

Hiyoko and Hajime turn to see Chiaki inspecting the step ladder to their right.

"Look, there's blood around the left side of the stepladder," Chiaki continues. "As I recall, Ibuki didn't have any external injuries. If that's the case..."

"Then it must be Sonia's blood." Hajime finishes Chiaki's sentence for her.

_Sonia. Sonia is dead. Sonia's blood is red._

Hiyoko nearly slaps herself for forgetting. She's obviously dead. Hiyoko knows that. Hiyoko knows that Sonia is dead.

_And it's her fault._

Chiaki nods. "That's the only thing I can think of." Then she walks off of the stage, leaving Hiyoko and Hajime alone.

Hajime walks closer to Ibuki's body, and Hiyoko follows him. She isn't sure why, but she guesses it might be because he seems to know what he's doing. He certainly did in the previous trials.

Hajime bends down to look at the rope Ibuki was most likely hanged with. He investigates it, probably looking for something weird... or whatever. Hiyoko isn't sure.

Nagito suddenly pops up like a villain in a horror movie, and starts speaking. "From what I can tell, it looks like a regular length of rope with no unnatural features."

Hajime looks up at Nagito, and takes a deep like he's preparing for a war.

"But despite the fact that this music venue has a storage room, there shouldn't have been any rope in there," Nagito continues. "Which means... was it obtained from the supermarket? Did the killer bring it from there?"

Hajime slumps his shoulders. "That means anyone could have obtained this rope, and it means it'd be difficult to use this as a clue."

Nagito raises a finger. "I wonder if that's true."

"What the heck are you on about now, you shitty weirdo?" Hiyoko asks.

"Oh, I just noticed a little something. Is it okay if I confirm it?" Then, without waiting for an answer, Nagito raises his voice. "Excuse me, Mikan! Do you have a moment?"

Hiyoko growls. That's fucking fantastic. Mikan is the last person Hiyoko wants to see right now... or ever.

Unfortunately, Mikan climbs onto the stage and responds to Nagito's question. "U-Um... what's happened?"

"There's something I want to ask you," Nagito replies. "There's no doubt Ibuki's cause of death was being hanged by this rope, right?"

"Y-yes... she had no other external injuries, so there's no doubt she died from hanging herself."

"I see, I see," Nagito nods. "So Ibuki died by hanging herself."

Hajime sighs. "That was obvious the moment we discovered the body. You and Hiyoko might not have seen it, but we all saw that she hanged herself."

"You're right! Yep I got it! So this rope won't be much of a clue! Then I might as well search another place," Nagito jumps off of the stage.

"What the hell was he even talking about? Weird fucking pedo." Hiyoko crosses her arms.

"W-what part of that interaction suggested that Nagito might be a p-pedophile to you, Hiyoko?" Mikan asks.

Hiyoko stomps her foot. "Shut the hell up and make yourself useful for once, you ugly pig! Geez, you're all so goddamn annoying!"

Mikan holds her arms in front of herself. "I-I'm sorry Hiyoko. I'll go make myself useful right now!"

Mikan jumps off of the stage, probably heading somewhere to be even more useless than usual.

"What the hell was that for?" Hajime asks Hiyoko.

Hiyoko snickers. "Pigs should know their place. It's how the world works."

Mikan is one of the worst pigs Hiyoko has come across in her lifetime, and that's saying a lot. She's weak, a crybaby, and she spreads her legs in any situation for attention. She'll never survive in the real world. Hell, Hiyoko is surprised no one has killed her yet here.

An ant. That's what Mikan is. She's not a human. She's an ant.

Hajime sighs and turns away from her. "Right. I shouldn't have expected anything less from you." He walks away from Hiyoko and towards the other side of the stage.

Hiyoko starts to follow him, but quickly stops herself. He doesn't want her around. That's fine. She doesn't care. It's survival of the fittest, and for all she knows, Hajime could be the culprit.

She turns her head towards Sonia's body, but an immediate sickness overcomes her.

_Red._

It's her fault that Sonia ended up that way. If Hiyoko hadn't told Sonia to come to the music venue, she would be fine.

Hiyoko's feet start moving before she's fully aware of it. She runs out of the music venue. She doesn't know where she's going. She knows she can't run. She's tried before, but it doesn't work. The class trial is inevitable. Another execution is inevitable.

_Red red red._

Hiyoko sits on the road across from the music venue, facing the ocean. She buries her head into her lap and feels the tears she's been trying so hard to hold back spill out. She doesn't want to do this anymore. She can't do this anymore. It's all too much. When was this going to end? When can she go home? She just wants to go home.

_Red red red red red._ Her fingernails dig into her palms as her sobbing increases and blood starts to spill. It hurts. It hurts so fucking much. She wants it to stop. She just wants everything to stop.

_"Stop crying, Hiyoko."_

She hears her grandmother's voice in her head, saying the words she knows all too well.

_"I told you to stop crying! You are a Saionji. Saionjis are not weak crybabies who pity themselves over the smallest issues. So get up and stop complaining."_

_"But... it hurts. It hurts so much."_

_"I don't care. Pain is good for the soul. It teaches you lessons. You clearly need one."_

_Hiyoko stood up on wobbly legs and forced her upcoming sobs down her throat._

_"Good girl."_

Hiyoko slams her fist onto the rough pavement of the road. "SHIT!"

"I take it you aren't doing so well, huh?"

Hiyoko lifts her head and sees Fuyuhiko standing behind her.

Hiyoko immediately wipes her tears away. She feels the blood on her knuckles graze her cheeks. Did Fuyuhiko see her crying? That's embarrassing. That's so embarrassing.

"Wow Sherlock, you're a real detective now! Gonna incorporate those skills in the class trial?" Instead of being honest, Hiyoko goes for a snarky remark. That should make him go away.

Fuyuhiko chuckles. "Nice one. I'm serious though." He sits down next to her, and Hiyoko scoots away from him on instinct. He makes no effort to move closer to her.

"Why do you care? You hate me," Hiyoko replies. "Don't you have an investigation to worry about anyways?"

"I don't hate you," Fuyuhiko quickly responds. "Or... Mahiru. I don't hate her either."

Hiyoko feels fresh tears form in her eyes at the mention of Mahiru, but she quickly blinks them away. She isn't going to give him the satisfaction of breaking her.

_Mahiru's blood was red._

"Yeah right! You... you..."

_Killed her._ The words are on the tip of her tongue, but they won't leave her lips.

"I'm sorry. I know you don't want to hear it, but I'll say it as many times as I have to. I am truly, utterly, so fucking sorry," Fuyuhiko states.

Hiyoko digs her nails further into her palm. She says nothing.

"You don't have to believe me. I know why you wouldn't. And I also know that sorry doesn't bring Mahiru... or... or Peko back," a lump forms in Fuyuhiko's throat saying that. "But I also know that Peko doesn't want me to sit and wallow in my regrets. She gave me a life and I'm gonna fucking use it."

"Okay," is all Hiyoko can manage to say.

Fuyuhiko nods. Maybe Hiyoko's statement is enough for him. "Not to change the topic from one heavy topic to another... but uh... I guess this conversation is inevitable, so... uh... who do you think the culprit is? It's okay if you think it's me, I'd get why, and I'll probably get accused at the trial anyways. Just be honest."

Hiyoko gulps. To be honest, she hasn't really thought about it. She hasn't done much investigating, to be fair. She doesn't know much about the case.

She does have her intuition though. She supposes that she'll use that.

"I don't think it's you," is the first thing Hiyoko says. "It's definitely not Mikan either, she's too much of a weak bitch to pull any of this off. Akane is a complete dumbass, I doubt it's her. Nagito is a creepy weirdo, but I don't think he did it either. Kazuichi is the one who made the broadcasting things, so he's kinda suspicious, but I don't really think it's him either."

After finishing her rant, she felt like a weight had been lifted off of her chest. Her rambling hadn't changed what happened, but still, she felt a little bit better.

"So, I guess that leaves Hajime, Gundham, and Chiaki," Fuyuhiko says.

"Yeah."

That feels wrong. She doesn't know why, it just feels wrong. Hajime, Gundham, or Chiaki? One of them did this?

"But I guess we'll see if you're right at the class trial."

"Yeah. I guess so," Hiyoko shrugs.

_**DING DONG BING BONG** _

_"Helloooooo! How's everybody doin'!? It's me, Monokuma! Yaaaaay, awesome! The class trial's gonna start, you know! Soooo make sure you guys come to Monokuma Rock ASAP! Puhuhuhu, I'll see you soon!"_

The monitor shuts off, and all that lingers is Monokuma's annoying voice in Hiyoko's head.

"Well, I guess it's time," Fuyuhiko says. He stands up and wipes the dirt off of his pants.

"Yeah." Hiyoko does the same as Fuyuhiko. "Let's go, I guess."

Hiyoko walks behind Fuyuhiko on the way to Monokuma Rock. She supposes that there's never any good outcome for these trials. They yell at each other, sometimes with evidence, and sometimes with meaningless accusations. Someone becomes increasingly suspicious, and all evidence is thrown against them. They tell their sob story, and they get executed. That's it. Hiyoko has to do it all again.

_Spilled blood is always red._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is only the beginning of my hiyoko and fuyuhiko besties propaganda


	3. you'd haunt all of my what ifs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the 3rd trial starts and everything is virtually the same as canon until kazuichi goes absolutely feral
> 
> side note: sorry it took me so long to update again. i had some serious writers block

"Is everybody heeeere!? Do you guys wanna go to the class triaaaaaal!?"

 _No._ Hiyoko does not want to go to the class trial. Not even a little bit.

"Hey, jerk! Hold it right there!" Monomi pops out of nowhere, probably about to start one of her speeches about hope and trusting each other. It's not like those have never worked out and Monokuma has overpowered her every time. Hiyoko wonders why she even tries anymore.

"What? Don't get in my way. You're just a dumb little sister who's short a few brain cells." Monokuma sighs.

"My brain works just fine!" Monomi protests.

The students roll their eyes in unison, in true 'Here we go again!' fashion.

"Monokuma! What did you do with Nekomaru!?" Monomi asks.

Hiyoko wonders about the same thing. She hasn't seen that guy in days. It's not like she's worried about him or anything, just mildly curious.

"I see... so you've come to avenge him..." Monokuma turns his back to Monomi.

"Avenge!? That sounds like he died!"

"'Sounds like,' you say...? Oops" Monokuma turns around to face Monomi and the students. "Anyway, since Nekomaru is unfortunately unavaible today, let's just say he's absent. Now then, I gotta go first!" He disappears off to God knows where.

"Ah, hold on! I won't let you escape!" Monomi dissappears too, leaving the 9 students alone.

"H-hey... did you hear what he said?" Kazuichi asks, looking around at the rest of them with a worried expression on his face.

"Don't worry about it, there's no way Nekomaru is dead. He's just trying to piss us off!" Fuyuhiko declares.

It seems less like he's trying to convince everyone else, and more like he's trying to convince himself.

"Of course he's not dead. There's no way, not in a million years," Akane insists.

Nagito interrupts the conversation by being his usual annoying self. "More importantly... it's best if we worry about ourselves for now. If 'something' happens here, every one of us except Nekomaru will die!"

"Wh-Why are you so excited about that?" Mikan asks.

For once, Hiyoko agrees with her.

"Who knows? Maybe i'm just looking forward to seeing poetic justice prevail."

"What are you saying, fiend?" Gundham asks.

"You'll find out soon enough..." Nagito has that weird smirk on his face again. Hiyoko wishes she could find a sponge and scrub it off of him.

"... Then let's go," Chiaki says.

"All right! Let's hurry up and get this over with!" Akane bellows.

Hajime nods. "Yeah, you're right."

The group steps towards Monokuma rock one by one. Akane goes first, filled with determination. Hajime and Chiaki go next, ready to solve another confusing case. Fuyuhiko sighs deeply and goes behind them. Mikan goes next, with an unreadable expression on her face. Gundham walks behinds her, carrying himself with his usual dark aura. Kazuichi's fists are closed at his sides as he walks to the escalator. Hiyoko decides to go after him, taking one last look at the island she had been trapped on for the past few weeks. She hears Nagito start walking a few feet behind her.

They take their usual spots in the elevator like this is supposed to be a normal thing for them. Ah, yes, two more of their friends have been brutally murdered, and now they're descending into the depths of despair to find out who murdered them and eventually see another one of their friends get executed. Just normal teenage activities!

The students stay silent as the elevator descends deeper. Hiyoko doesn't know what she's supposed to say, and she guesses that no one else does either. No words can describe the emotions she's feeling as she's surronded by her friends and the weight of knowing that this elevator would have one less person on it when they went back up.

After what feels like an eternity, the elevator finally stops. Hiyoko feels the light hit her face as she and the rest of the students step off of the elevator and into the trial room.

"My, my... it feels pretty toothless with all these empty seats!" Monokuma pops up, interrupting Hiyoko's melancholy thoughts.

"Well, two people got killed at the same time... and Nekomaru's not here either..." Monomi pipes in. "Is Nekomaru really not participating? If he's alive, you should invite him!"

Invite him, she says. Monomi talks like this is a birthday party and not a trial where they're going to sentence another friend to a cruel death. It makes Hiyoko suck in a breath of fury.

"... Why bother?"

"What?!"

Monokuma turns away from her. "Now then... let's begin! It's the beginning of the long-awaited class trial! Please enjoy it to your heart's content!" He does his usual evil laugh and goes to sit on his chair.

The students look around at each other. It's another class trial. Two people were killed. One of them did it. One of them is going to die.

 _One of them is her fault_.

Hiyoko takes a deep breath and walks to her podium between Hajime and Gundham. This spot was starting to feel like her own personal hell. The place where she had questioned and cried and screamed her heart out. The place that makes her want to disappear so she would never have to feel anything ever again.

Hiyoko blocks out Monokuma's usual rambling about the class trial rules. She tries her hardest to think about absolute nothingness. It's all she can bear.

She doesn't think of or listen to anything until Nagito decides to speak. "I don't mind starting the trial, but... I don't really have a grasp of how the case played out. You know, because I was asleep the whole time."

Hiyoko has the urge to make fun of him, but decides that it would be quite hypocritical, considering Hiyoko doesn't know much about this case either. She doesn't know anything. Anything at all.

"Well... we shouldn't proceed with the class trial if we aren't on the same page." Chiaki says. "Since he's the first witness, why don't we ask Hajime to explain the incident and the sequence of events?"

Hajime nods. "Then... let's start with when we split into the Hospital Team and Motel Team because of the despair disease. The Hospital Team consisted of Nagito, Ibuki, and Akane-who were infected-and Mikan, Fuyuhiko, and me."

"I was placed on the almighty Hotel Team with Sonia, Chiaki, Kazuichi, and Hiyoko," Gundham adds.

"Spending the night at the hospital was prohibited, so Hajime and I had to sleep at our cottages," Fuyuhiko says.

Hajime explains the events leading up to the discovery of Ibuki and Sonia's bodies, and it makes Hiyoko's head hurt even more. How could someone even manage this setup? The video, Ibuki's body, and Sonia's body appearing only 10 minutes after Ibuki's did. None of it makes any sense to her. Nothing does.

"So that's how the case played out. Thank you, I understood it very easily," Nagito says.

_That makes one of us._

"Well, it's clear what the problem with this case is," Fuyuhiko pipes in. "When Hajime left the music venue. who-?"

"Wait," Nagito stops him. "How do I know anything Hajime just said is true?"

Hiyoko rolls her eyes. What is he on about now? Is he about to go on another one of his confusing rants? That's the last thing she needs right now.

"Sorry, I'm only being impartial right now, and the story I heard... is clearly suspcious," Nagito continues. "Hajime, if you're the only one who saw the hanging video and the first one to discover Ibuki's body... then you could be lying as much as you want right now. right?"

"L-lie...!? Why would I lie!?" Hajime asks.

"Obviously, so you could make us ignore what might be an inconvenient truth for you."

"Do you doubt me?"

"If you're not lying, I would like to prove it." Nagito is smiling at the others, like he knows something they don't. "C'mon, try to prove it to me! Prove you're not the killer!"

Hajime... is the killer? Something about that feels wrong to Hiyoko. It's not because she necessarily trusts Hajime, but he doesn't seem like he's lying. She has a gut feeling. Nagito is probably just trying to confuse them by playing devil's advocate again. It's nothing new. Just the same old routine. Nagito's antics are one of the only constants on this island.

"Hajime's testimony is clearly suspicious," Nagito claims.

"If Hajime's testimony is a lie... then the fact that Ibuki hung herself..." Mikan says.

"... would also be a lie." Nagito finishes Mikan's sentence for her.

"Why would Hajime lie anyway?" Hiyoko speaks up, trying to steer the evidence away from him. For some reason, she's convinced he isn't the culprit, so she has to fight for that fact. "Being the first witness only makes him suspicious. If he was really the culprit, why would he turn the attention towards himself? He's not that much of a dumbass."

Chiaki nods. "She does actually bring up a good point... I think."

She _thinks_? Hiyoko wants to yell at her to be sure before she speaks, especially to her, but she can't find the energy anymore. 

Nagito ignores both of them and continues his spiel about Hajime being the culprit. "The fact that the bodies were imitating the movie... means it probably is Hajime's fault!"

_Wait... What?_

Hiyoko clearly missed something when she ran off during the investigation, because she has no idea what the movie Monokuma made has to do with any of this.

"I'm not the killer!" Hajime shouts, which makes Hiyoko jump in suprise. "I mean, there's no way I'd be able to imitate that movie!"

Nagito laughs. "Of course you're not. I already knew that."

"...Huh?"

"Before the incident, Hajime had never watched that movie. His invitation ticket is proof of that. Each person only recieved one ticket, and they're marked with a stamp that shows the date and time. Isn't that right, Monokuma?"

"Yes, no mistakes there!" Monokuma responds.

"Which means there's no way, Hajime, who never even saw the movie, could commit murders that imitated it. Or... did anyone tell him what happens in the movie? Of course, no one did, right?"

"Nagito... what are you doing!?" Hajime questions.

"Well, since we're opening with your witness testimony, I thought we should solidify the foundation. It also provides a good warm-up!"

"Wh-What warm-up!? This isn't a game, you know!"

"D-don't get mad. I just think that warming up is really important, especially since this isn't a game."

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Kazuichi slams his hands down on the podium in front of him.

Hiyoko grips the sleeves of her kimono and tries to steady herself after being startled by Kazuichi's sudden force. He really couldn't have been kind enough to give them a warning? Hiyoko would have been able to handle it if he had done that.

"Huh?" Nagito questions. "Did I say something to upset one of the ultimates? It seems like something utter trash like me would do."

"Not just you, asshole, everyone!" Kazuichi yells. "This is all bullshit! All of it! Complete and utter bullshit! Miss Sonia is... she... she's fucking dead... and one of you bastards killed her! So... just... fess up, okay? Whoever did it better fess up!" A few tears slipped from Kazuichi's eyes during his rant, but he quickly wiped them away and shot daggers with his eyes at the rest of the room.

The lump in Hiyoko's throat grows bigger as Kazuichi speaks. She tries to blink away the tears forming in her eyes. She doesn't have an excuse to cry during this trial. She needs to keep it in and get this over with.

Hajime takes a deep breath before speaking. "Kazuichi, I get it. You're devastated. I mean... we all are, and... you're having the worst time out of all of us right now. But... I promise that we'll all get to the bottom of this, not only for our own lives, but for the lives of Sonia and Ibuki." He lifts his head and stares directly at Kazuichi. "But we have to go through this case thoroughly and investigate everything we can. Meaningless accusations won't solve anything."

Kazuichi's eyes only go darker after that. "Really? You think that's gonna fucking work!? I refuse to sit here and debate for hours about shit that doesn't even fucking matter! The culprit just needs to come out and say it so I can beat them to a fucking pulp. That's all there is to it."

Hiyoko nearly laughs. She wishes it was that easy. She wishes that Peko had just said that she did it without saying anything else and just went off to die. But, the world is cruel and harsh and it does everything it possibly can to fuck with human emotions. It's never as simple as empty words and false hope.

Chiaki tries to flash a comforting smile. "But... Hajime is right Kazuichi. We can only serve true justice if we solve every aspect of this case. It's what our friends deserve."

"Friendship," Kazuichi laughs. "You guys are not my fucking friends. You claim to care about Miss Sonia's life but you're just sitting there and talking about meaningless bullshit like Hajime's stupid testimony and Nagito's fucking antics! I'm tired of it!"

Hiyoko gets the urge to yell at him, but she just can't. She can't bring herself to insult him for his grief. She knows that none of this is fair. None of this is okay.

During Mahiru's trial, she just wanted everything to stop so she could run away. She doesn't know what she was running from. The truth, maybe, or the killing game. She just couldn't handle the pain.

So, instead of telling Kazuichi to shut up and stop being a wuss, she stares at the top of her podium and digs her nails into her palms.

The courtroom stays silent for a moment, the tension thick. But, Fuyuhiko ends up being the one to break the silence. "Look man, you can't let emotions fog up your common sense. Just stand the fuck up and face this shit head on."

"Really? You're the one who's saying that to me!? You!?" Kazuichi stares in disbelief. "Last trial, you were a sobbing fucking mess over your murderer girlfriend! Hell, you almost died for that bitch! And you're here, telling me, that I need to stop being emotional over the perfect and beautiful princess Miss Sonia?"

Hiyoko feels a shiver go down her spine at the reminder of Peko's execution. She's been trying so hard to not think about it, yet here she is, shaking because a stupid guy with his stupid emotions decided to bring it up.

Fuyuhiko's visible eye stares blankly for a moment before barely stuttering words. "I... you-"

"Oh wow, suddenly the big bad yakuza has nothing to say!"

"I... uh... just think ya went too far with that one," Akane says, picking at a scar on her arm.

"Or... maybe this bastard needed a fucking wake up call. You all do... especially the cuprit. So... like I said before, that piece of shit better fess up right now!"

"You..." Fuyuhiko says. "You are the one who needs a fucking wake up call!"

"Oh really? Are you just saying that because you're the culprit? I sure as hell wouldn't be surprised!"

Hiyoko's breath hitches as her mind starts to swirl back to the events of the last case. She can't do this, not right now. She stares at one of Gundham's hamsters on the ground, sleeping by his feet. She tries to crawl into its head, the head of a small animal who has no idea what's happening right now.

"Guys, stop." Hajime holds his hand out in front of him. "This is getting us absolutely nowhere."

Suddenly, Hiyoko doesn't know when, everything blurs together, and the hamster is no longer in her line of vision. Her worldview becomes a big, colorful mess of voices and faces. Of anger and grief. Of fear and hopelessness. Of hope and despair.

Kazuichi and Fuyuhiko are screaming at each other. Hajime and Chiaki are desperately trying to calm them down. Nagito mutters about how this despair will lead to ultimate hope. Mikan is crying and shaking, and Akane is trying to comfort her, but failing miserably.

The only ones who are completely silent are Hiyoko and Gundham. Gundham stares into the distance, and his hamsters bury their heads into his scarf, like they're desperate to block out the noise. Hiyoko's nails dig deeper into her palms as she tries to digest the chaos around her.

"FUCK YOU-"

"Guys please, just calm down-"

"FUCK YOU TOO-"

"The ultimates are fighting-"

"I'LL FUCKING KI-"

"Hey... um, I think Hajime has a go-"

"Y'all, Mikan isn't doing too w-"

"SONIA'S BEAUTIFUL H-"

"This despair is so much to w-"

"HER BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HAIR IS STAINED RED!"

_Red. Her hair is red. No no no no no her hair is red no no no no no. It's red._

"WHO THE FUCK COMPELLED MISS SONIA TO GO TO THE MUSIC VENUE AND GET KILLED!?"

"Compelled? You fiend, only I hold the dark power able to compel a powerful mistress to face her own inevitable death!"

"WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT EVEN MEAN!? DID YOU DO IT!?"

Hiyoko can feel blood start to spill in her hands.

_Red. It's red. Sonia's blood is red. Red. Her hair and dress and stockings and face were stained with a deep, ugly red. The music venue was stained with it, the red. The red the red the red._

"WHO THE FUCK DID IT? WHY IS SONIA DEAD?!"

"Kazuichi please, take a deep breath an-"

"SHUT UP!"

"P-p-please st-st-stop s-screaming..."

"WHO DID IT? WHO DID THIS TO HER!?"

"Kazuichi-"

"WHO FUCKING DID IT!?"

_Red red red red red red red red red red red red red red red red red red red re-_

"I DID IT!" Hiyoko shouts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ending on a cliffhanger... spicy.
> 
> side note 2: unsure if i like how this chapter turned out, but i just felt like i needed to get it up as soon as i could and stop being an annoying perfectionist about it


	4. i've never been a natural, all i do is try

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hiyoko tells everyone about her last interaction with sonia. she's not doing so well
> 
> a/n: this chapter took longer than i anticipated, but quality over quantity, ya know?

Silence. Silence feels like an empty, black void. It consumes all of the energy from the occupants of Earth. It eats at the deepest wounds people hide within their souls. It eats forever and ever, because silence doesn't end. It lasts for an eternity. It kills everyone in its wake. It goes on and on and on. Silence stops the essence of time.

Until it doesn't.

"Huh?" Hajime asks.

Hiyoko clenches the sleeves of her kimono to stop herself from crying. "I- I'm the reason that Sonia is dead."

"So you did it?" Kazuichi asks. His hands are balled up into fists and his breathing is heavy. "You killed her?"

Hiyoko feels herself start to shake. "I-"

"YOU'RE THE FUCKING KILLER?!" Kazuichi yells.

Hiyoko feels tears stream down her face and she instantly wipes them away. She can't cry, not here. Everyone is looking at her and muttering things under their breath. She wants them to stop. She wants everyone to stop. She wants to eat the words she had just blurted out. She ruined it. She ruined everything. Standing there is no longer Hiyoko Saionji, the Ultimate Traditional Dancer. It's just a girl. A girl who's shaking and crying and stumbling over her words. A girl who can't get ahold of herself. Weak. That's what she is. She's weak.

_Wake up Hiyoko!_

She's no longer in the trial room, surronded by people eyeing her. She's behind a curtain, forcing her manic thoughts to go away. She can't think. She needs to let her body do all the work. If she dares to think about anything but the lights beating down on her face and the motions she goes through to impress a crowd of people, she'll succumb to her dread.

_Wake up! Look up! Smile!_

Her hands are shaking.

_Stand up straight. Let them be captivated by your presence._

She gulps.

_You are a force to be reckoned with, Hiyoko Saionji. Act like it._

"No, I'm not the culprit," Hiyoko says. "I didn't kill her."

"Nice fucking save!" Kazuichi laughs, but it doesn't feel genuine.

"I'm being honest, you idiot," Hiyoko declares. "I didn't kill Sonia, but I- I- uh-"

_Red._

_No._

_Keep talking. Make them listen. You have the power to make people enchanted by your mere aura._

"I think I'm the reason she was killed." Hiyoko spits out the words as fast as she possibly can.

"Why do you think that?" Hajime asks. "If you have anything that could be helpful to the case, please let us know Hiyoko. We need anything we can get."

Hiyoko nods. He's good at that. Keeping people calm, allowing them to properly explain themselves. It helps her feel more at ease when she explains what happened. She tells them about Sonia coming into her motel room, and about their conversation.

She doesn't tell them how alone she felt, though. She doesn't mention how she was constantly sobbing over events she couldn't go back in time and fix. She left out the parts when she would stare into the mirror and not recognize her own reflection anymore. She doesn't dare to speak about all of the scenarios she created in her head where Mahiru was alive and telling her everything would be okay. She says what seems to be the truth, but it's just a fabricated mirage of what she feels like should be true.

"So, " Hajime begins. "You assume that the reason Sonia was in the music venue is because you asked her to go there to get the mirror for you?"

Hiyoko nods. "Yeah, I can't think of any other explanation."

"So," Kazuichi says. "The reason Miss Sonia was in the music venue... is because of you? If she hadn't talked to you, she wouldn't have been in there?"

Her palms start to sweat. "Y-yes. Yeah. That's right."

_Calm down. Breathe. They are nothing compared to you._

"The reason Miss Sonia died is because this little bitch told her to go into the music venue!"

_They are ants. Ants, scrabbling and screaming. They desperately cling to survival because it's all they will ever have. They are only alive to supply the food chain. This world is survival of the fittest. You are the fittest of all._

"Well... fuck this! It should have been you! It was your dumbass who couldn't tie your own kimono, and Sonia had to die for it! You should have been the one to go to the music venue and get your throat slit! You piece of shit!"

_Survival of the fittest._

_Red._

_Sonia's blood is red._

_Survival. Death._

_It should have been you._

_Your blood. Red. Pools of red. You. You should have been red._

_Stained red. A tiny dancer stained with a saturated and filthy red._

"KAZUICHI!" Hajime shouts, which shocks the entire room. "Stop it! Hiyoko had no idea what was going to happen to her, man. In fact, she just gave us valuable information that will help us solve this case. So please, if you're just going to berate us this entire trial, shut up. Join Nagito, and shut the fuck up."

Hiyoko feels Hajime's hand pat her shoulder, and she immediately flinches. He shouldn't get to touch her, just because he defended her. Fucking perverts. She's never taken Hajime for one, but people surprise you, she guesses.

_It should have been you._

Hiyoko puts her hands over her ears.

_Shut up! Shut up!_

"Hiyoko, it's okay." She hears a muffled voice and feels a hand on her arm.

_It should have been you._

"Hiyoko!" The hand yanks her arm away from her ear, and holds it for a few seconds before letting go. "Kazuichi isn't rambling anymore. We're moving on."

"Yeah," Fuyuhiko says. "Since we know why Sonia was at the music venue, we're going to think of reasons why Ibuki would be there, especially in her weakened state."

_You're wrong. He's still talking._

_It should have been you._

_Shut up!_

_It should have been you_.

"SHUT UP!"

Hajime flinches, and one of Gundham's hamsters runs into the middle of the trial room and frantically scatters around.

"Jum-P, get ahold of yourself," Gundham says, retrieving his hamster from the floor.

_Get ahold of yourself. Please._

"No one said anything," Chiaki says. "I think."

"Hiyoko, just tell us what's botherin' ya. Besides, well, our friends dying, of course. That's botherin' us all," Akane says.

_Stand up straight. Posture is important. Blink three times, for good measure. Wear a beaming smile. You are a star, floating above the world. People envy your power and grace. Use it to your advantage._

"I'm fine," Hiyoko states. "So stop looking at me like a bunch of creepy pedos and talk about something else!"

She exhales. She did it. She knows she could. She always can. Her power is unforgiving to those around her. She is a brick wall, and no one can force their way through to her.

Akane doesn't look satisfied with Hiyoko's answer, but she nods anyways. "Alright. Got any leads, Hajime?"

"Well, we've got the video. That's about it right now."

"Didn't you say that Ibuki hanged herself in that video?" Fuyuhiko asks. "Wouldn't that mean that she-"

"Killed herself?" Chiaki finishes his question.

Hajime nods. "Yeah, it would. I don't know how to explain it, but- that answer feels wrong."

"Yeah, I feel the same way," Akane agrees. "It's just my gut feeling, ya know?"

"It's also weird that Ibuki and Sonia died only a few minutes apart. That can't just be a coincidence," Chiaki adds.

"I think the same person did it," Hiyoko pipes in. "Killed them. Both of them."

A truly, evil person. Killing one person is disgraceful, but two? That's preposterous. Unreal. Hiyoko can't fathom how anyone who isn't a selfish monster could manage to do that. It isn't possible. She wonders who in this group that could be. Who is hiding such malice from them? From her?

"That makes the most sense," Hajime says. "But if that's true, then how can we explain the video I saw? I know for a fact that what I saw was real."

Hiyoko zones out after Hajime says that. She can't bring herself to participate in the trial anymore. It makes her feel sick and empty. She makes sure to stand tall whenever someone shoots a look her way, but she doesn't do anything more than that. She stares at Ibuki's portrait, the drumsticks resembling an X. She stares at Sonia's too, the crown on her head painted in a blood red. She fixates on two of Gundham's hamsters taking a nap on the floor for about 15 minutes. She looks up at the ceiling, looks down at the floor, looks at her feet, looks at her hands. She's studied nearly everything in the small trial room.

"We still don't know the murder weapon used against Sonia, though," Chiaki says.

For some reason, those 11 words bring Hiyoko back to reality.

_Red. Someone slashed through her neck and stained it red._

_It should have been you._

_No. Stop._

Hajime gets in his usual thinking pose. After a minute or so, his eyes widen with revelation. "I- I think who the culprit is might explain that."

"You know who the culprit is?" Fuyuhiko asks.

"I- I think I might," Hajime nods.

"Well, tell us! Who the fuck did this to Miss Sonia!?" Kazuichi yells.

"And Ibuki. She died too, ya know. Don't forget about her," Akane says.

"Y-yeah... her too!" Kauzichi adds.

Hajime sighs deeply, before blurting out the one thing everyone desperately wanted to hear. They didn't know how much they would truly dread the answer, though.

"Mikan... is it you?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is probably shorter than the others, and i apologize. i just knew that writing out the whole trial would be tedious for me, and boring for all of you to read. we've all played the game, we know how the case played out. 
> 
> next chapter is gonna be quite chaotic though. hiyoko gets to see mikan's breakdown in real time.


End file.
